My Favourite Things

Too often lately, I’ve been feeling kind of negative, so just for fun I decided to make a list of my favourite things. These are all things that help me get through life. A lot of them, I’ve realised, are sensory things, but not all. Anyway, here they are, vaguely grouped but not in any order of favouritism.

The smell of new-mown grass. Even when it threatens to aggravate my hayfever.

The smell of hot pavement after rain, and watching steam coming up off it.

The smell of onions or bacon frying. Or sausages, especially on the barbecue – and the taste of those sausages (gluten free, of course!) in my mouth. Nom, nom!

Lite Licks Dairy Free icecream, with my own (gluten free) sticky date pudding or self-saucing chocolate pud.

Cadbury’s Chocolate, especially Dairy Milk and Caramello, and Whittaker’s Peanut Slabs. Yes, I know, they’re dairy, but they’re still yummy…

Gluten-free hamburgers from Burger Fuel. I so wish they’d open a store in my town.

Roast chicken with roast potatoes, gravy and all the trimmings. Nom, nom again. (Licking my lips here!) (I guess it’s pretty obvious I’m no vegetarian, lol…)

Spectacular sunsets, with all the delicate shades of colour that surround them, and the deep, deep blue of the twilight sky. Actually, the sky on just about any day that’s not rainy and grey. So many people never really look at the sky, if they truly saw it, they’d marvel.

Gazing at the stars and moon, especially out away from town lights, or pictures of space, galaxies, stars, etc – it’s a feeling I can only describe as soul-liberating or expanding.

Our beautiful NZ beaches, especially when they’re empty of people, and especially when pohutukawa trees are in blossom, their brilliant red and green combining with the blue sky, golden sand, white surf and azure sea, to make a treat for the eye. The surge and crash of that surf makes my skin tingle, and I feel so alive.

Standing on a hill or mountaintop, and being able to see for miles and miles, especially if the view is out to sea, and breathing in the clean, clear air.

Trains – ever since I was a little kid, I’ve loved the chugga-chugga-chugga of them, it produces a thrilling resonation, deep in my body. I love to ride trains too, the way they rattle and sway along, and how you get to see all sorts of back yards and people’s lives not visible from the street. There’s something slightly mysterious about trains, even the most ordinary suburban commuter ones.

Stationery stores – they make me want to grab those pristine tubes of paint and slather them across the pure white canvasses, or the pencils and crayons and pastels onto the sketchbooks, or write in those oh-so-pretty notebooks… especially if I haven’t done anything creative for a while.

Spending time with my daughter, especially when we joke and laugh so hard we just about wet our pants.

Good times with my family, especially dinners, where there’s lot of yummy food, and we laugh and joke ditto as above…

Joking and laughing with my aspie friends so hard that yes, sometimes I ROFLOL and just about PMSL…

Watching my favourite movies yet again. Basically any of the following –

- The Sound of Music. Yes, I know it’s impossibly schmaltzy, but I love it anyway.

- Fiddler on the Roof, the movie version.

- All the Lord of the Rings movies, but especially the last one. “Don’t you give up Mr Frodo!”

- All the Star Wars movies, even the ones with such wooden acting you’d think the stars were fenceposts.

Playing my favourite music when I’m alone, turning it up loud, and just letting the sound wash over me, till all my tension is gone. Especially I love -

- ‘Time To Say Goodbye’, it really tugs at my heartstrings (we played it at my mother’s funeral), but oh it’s good.

- ‘I Believe in You (Le Crois En Toi)’ by Il Divo and Celine Dion.

- ‘O Holy Night’, by Il Divo.

- Sole Mio singing just about anything.

- ‘Amazing Grace’, by just about anyone, but especially if it has bagpipes. (I love pretty much anything on bagpipes actually, must be something in the blood - all those Celtic ancestors! - they always send a thrill down my spine.)

Monet’s waterlily and haystack paintings. The first time I saw them in an exhibition, I was blown away. Also too many of the Impressionists and ‘Old Masters’ to name here. They make my fingers itch to paint too, though I know I will never get anywhere near their class.

Old houses and buildings, castles and cathedrals and the like, especially if they have soaring arches and lots of ancient masonry. There’s just something about arches…

The thrill I get when I’m doing family history research, and stumble on something – a name, a birth record, a census entry – that is another leap back in time, another ancestor emerging from the mists of the past (family history research is astonishingly addictive).

Doing crosswords and other word puzzles – and the satisfaction I get from finding that last crossword answer that’s been bugging me.

Curling up on the couch with a good book, a tasty snack and a long cool drink. My favourite books are whatever I’m currently reading, something to do with my special interests, or anything (fiction or non-fiction) about those who are marginalised, outcasts, loners and/or ‘different’.

Anyway, this is my list of ‘stuff I like’, just off the top of my head. It’s longer than I thought it would be, which I’ve realised is a good thing. The more things that nourish me, and that help me get through life and endure a world that I find illogical at best and downright crazy at worst, the better.

Do you have a similar list? What makes you feel good? What do you do, to help yourself cope with life and the world? What are your compensations or treats, that make things more bearable?

On Emotions vs Feelings, and Politics

A few weeks ago, I had the unpleasant experience of getting involved in an online debate on a political issue. I made the mistake of thinking I could bring some light and fresh air into a very heated, dark place. Instead, I became the recipient of a vicious tirade of personal abuse and contempt. Eventually, I left, not because I was overwhelmed by their arguments, but because I did not want to be dragged down to their level.

One piece of their abuse, however, kept bugging me. They said several times I was using ‘emotional’ arguments, which confused me– it seemed to me they were the ones using emotive terms, and I was being my usual rational aspie self. Finally – after I’d left – I realized why. It’s because they confused emotions with feelings.

Huh, you might say? What’s the difference? I used to think them the same too. Then a spiritual teacher whom I greatly respected, pointed out the difference, and after due reflection, I realized she was right. Basically, it runs like this.

Emotions are things of the moment. They’re the rapid response to what’s happening around you, the swift happiness, anger, sadness, surprise, etc. They’re heady, and often overwhelming, but they’re ephemeral. That doesn’t mean they have no validity – there’s nothing wrong, for instance, with being annoyed if your spouse forgets your birthday – but they are not good grounds for making life-changing decisions.

Feelings, however, are quieter, but more long-lasting. They are the result, usually, of years or even decades of thinking, reflecting, and processing the Big Issues of life.  They take form through the rational processes of our minds, but come from deep in our hearts, or our souls. They form an undercurrent that often gives rise to emotions, but are not the emotions themselves. At times, these deeper feelings rise up and cause us to make profound changes to our lives – ending a relationship, changing careers, moving to another country, taking a new spiritual path. It’s best to heed what these feelings are trying to tell you, because you’ll only suffer if you don’t.

When I entered the above political argument, I was coming from both my mind and my deepest feelings. I argued for compassion, for understanding of difficult situations people might find themselves in, for accepting that life is not perfect, and nor are people and situations. Because this is the approach I take to life, the result of years of observation and reflection on life and the human race. Moreover, I consider this a perfectly valid ground to argue from. It combines both intellect and heart, and thus the very best of both ‘left’ and ‘right’ brain activity. It’s integrated. It’s individualistic. And as an aspie, I am very much into being an individual, and using my brain and my heart to work through matters.

So I left the argument, because my ‘opponents’ were using the emotive arguments of hatred, narrow-minded intolerance and bigotry. Theirs is the sort of fanaticism that can give rise to violence in the service of their ‘cause’, which scares the hell out of me, and none of which I want any part of. That is not my nature, and not my path in this world. And I find it sad that so many do follow such a path. I believe it’s one big reason, possibly the reason, why the world is in such a mess today. I’d be interested to know how others feel about this.