I Just Need To Have A Bit Of A Rant

I’m going to indulge in a bit of a rant here people, because lately, I seem to be seeing more and more nonsense of various kinds on social media and elsewhere, both new and way more of the old types of nonsense. And I’m fed up with it.

I’m fed up with the anti-vaxxers, the flat-earthers, the creationists, the bleach-will-cure-autism crowd, the drinking-your-own-urine lot, the essential-oils-will-cure-everything people, and all their ridiculous, ridiculous, not to mention sometimes dangerous, ilk. I’m tired of stupid. So I have to ask –

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?? DO YOU KEEP YOUR BRAINS IN YOUR POSTERIORS? DID YOU SIT DOWN TOO HARD AND BREAK THEM? WHERE IS YOUR FREAKING COMMON SENSE?

Why do you antivaxxers/pro-diseasers cling to a theory repeatedly proven false, its promoter shown to be a fraudster and a liar? Why do you insist on posting stuff full of wonky science you obviously don’t really understand, even when REAL scientists and doctors point out ‘that’s not how it works’? Why do you assert that pro-vaxxers must all be ‘paid shills of Big Pharma’, even as you’re blindly listening to charlatans and letting them fleece you? Why do you maintain that vaccines are ‘full of toxins’, flying in the face of the evidence that they’re not, and that ‘vaccine damage’ isn’t really a thing? And why, why, why do you insist that vaccines are harmful, but somehow the diseases they protect against are ‘harmless’? I mean, logic much? Hello?

And flat-earthers, why are you clinging to a theory (and it was never more than that) of the planet which has long since been disproven and hence discarded centuries ago due to the discoveries of ACTUAL SCIENTIFIC OBSERVATIONS of the universe? Were you all asleep down the back in science class? Did some hot astrophysics major turn you down, and threaten your fragile masculinity? (All of you I’ve seen are male.)

And you creationists – if you find comfort and/or a moral code in the bible, whatever. But to use it to fool yourself into believing that a bunch of ancient creation myths somehow translate into a basis for going against all the findings of centuries of science and archaeology? And then to have the nerve to demand schools teach your ridiculous beliefs as ‘facts’, flying in the face of actual scientific reality? No. Just no. I’ve SEEN your ridiculous, deluded ramblings, and they’re about as far from ‘truth’ as it’s possible to get.

And why are you bleach-swillers forcing a caustic substance on your kids, either up their rear ends or down their throats? Why are you so willing to cause them pain, and see huge chunks of their intestinal lining ripped out? Why can you not see the truth? Are you THAT scared of autism? Even after autism has been well established as genetic, and nothing to do with imaginary ‘parasites’? And the same goes for all the other ‘curebies’ out there, whatever so-called wacky ‘treatment’ you’re using. Not only are you totally barking up the wrong tree, YOUR tree doesn’t in fact even exist. (And don’t get me even started on ABA.)

And you warrior-cum-martyr mommies and daddies, when we challenge you, how on earth do you have the gall to tell us that we ‘aren’t autistic enough’ to comment, when you’re NOT AUTISTIC AT ALL and by your own logic, therefore shouldn’t say anything? How can you tell us that we ‘don’t understand’, ‘you’re not like my kid’, blah blah blah, and even tell us outright - as one particularly obnoxious woman did recently - that we have ‘no right’ to use identity-first language, no right to talk to parents of autistic kids, no right to say anything at all about autism? To anyone? That we should just shut up and go away - when YOU obviously know NOTHING about autism yourselves, while we, who actually LIVE autism, are ignored, derided and shunned? Please, tell me where the logic, let alone the fairness, is in THAT?

And ‘health nuts’ – are you competing to see who can do the most stupid thing in the name of ‘health’? It’s bad enough when you insist that you can’t be healthy unless you buy a ton of expensive foods that we poor can’t afford, or tell those of us with chronic illnesses or disability that we ‘need to just take this miracle cure’, or ask if we’ve ‘tried yoga’. But when you do things like sculling back your own urine? Urine is what the body has already discarded as waste, what possible good can re-ingesting it do? You’ll just be forcing the body to refilter it, and probably giving yourself a bellyache and foul breath to go with it. It’s beyond belief that you could be sucked in by this nonsense.

And while I’m on the subject of health - essential oils as ‘miracle cures for everything’? Great in the bath or an oil burner, but ingesting it? Really? Are you totally deprived of all common sense? This goes double for those of you who won’t vaccinate, but you put toxic oils inside you? You make me want to find the nearest brick wall and bang my head against it. Hard.

And why do you conspiracy theorists of all stripes delude yourselves that the ‘gubmint’ is ‘out to get’ you? That it’s created elaborate hoaxes to fool you, or ‘poison’ you, or whatever? Why are you so convinced they even CARE what you think, that they’d go to such lengths? Faked moon landings and all? That you’re the only ‘woke’ ones, knowing stuff that the ‘sheeples’ don’t?  Is your ego really THAT big? Your sense of self-importance that overwhelming? Are you that freaking NEEDY? Do you really believe the world revolves around you? GET A GRIP ON YOUR EGO!

Newsflash, people - the rest of the world isn’t out to get you. Instead it’s rolling its collective eyes at you, laughing at you, or wanting to slap some sense into your stupid head. And no amount of ego-stroking in your science-forsaken, logic-forsaken, rationality-forsaken echo chambers on social media will change their minds.

And no, science isn’t perfect, governments aren’t perfect, nobody and nothing is perfect. But to use their mistakes, to blow them up out of all proportion and twist them into things they’re simply not, and then wholesale INVENT stuff, or to claim that the GOVERNMENT is inventing stuff ‘just to fool you’, defying all logic and common sense along the way, simply to boost your own egos and satisfy your own sense of self-importance and ‘wokeness’, is just plain stupid. There’s no other word for it.

And when you add in all the other nonsense out there, the resurgence of right-wingers and Nazis, Trumpet and his sickening cronies, anti-science and fundamentalism on the rise, school and other mass shootings and the whole gun lobby thing, the whole damn ‘hate autism’ thing and the damage it’s doing to autistics, not to mention all the hatred and wars and oppressions and general idiocies running riot - how utterly screwed-up the world is in general – it’s all enough to make me lose what little faith I have left in the human race, and to go crawl into a hole and die.

The only thing that gives me any hope at all is the numbers of those opposed to all these stupidities. Those brave people who are willing and ready to take on these fools, to rip them apart with logic, debunk their conclusions with REAL science, and skewer their idiocy with oh-so-apt humour, plus of course those willing to get out there and fight them offline as well.

Particularly the younger generation. I’m old. I’m tired. I admit it. I’m not the Fiery Young Radical I once was. I do what I can, but it’s not that much. And I know that, short of a miracle, I probably won’t live to see any huge change, especially in the way autistics are regarded and treated. So the baton has already been ‘handed on’, and I’m proud of what they’re doing.

Otherwise, I am SO over it all.

What Is Bullying - And What Isn't

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of accusations of bullying thrown about in our Facebook groups, or on people’s personal pages, and I find it troubling. And no, I am not going to name names, as they are not my stories to tell. Suffice to say, I’ve noticed that often, the ones crying loudest and longest about being ‘bullied’ are the ones actually doing it, while their supposed ‘bullies’ can do little but grit their teeth and suffer in silence.
It also seems to me that many of us, lacking in social skills and intuition as we are, have difficulty defining exactly what is happening when someone has a negative reaction to something they’ve said, so tend to call any behaviour they don’t like ‘bullying’. So I thought I’d get it clear just what is bullying, and what isn’t.

The following are not pleasant, certainly, but they are NOT bullying.

Arguing with you. We are a quarrelsome lot, with many different outlooks on life. So people will disagree with your opinion, often forcefully. Which is okay, as long as it’s done respectfully. If you really don’t want to argue, you can always simply say “let’s agree to disagree.”

Challenging your perceived racism/sexism/homophobia/etc. Being told that you’re displaying one of the ‘isms’ is never nice. But sometimes it’s necessary, at least in the other person’s eyes. Even if you don’t feel that you are prejudiced, your being willing to at least look at what you’ve said is usually all that they want.

Challenging your thinking processes. We often pride ourselves on being logical, and hate seeing others thinking illogically. So you’ll occasionally get challenged on this. In itself, it doesn’t mean they hate you or anything, or are putting you down. Once again, respect is the key.

The other person losing their temper. None of us are saints. A lot of us are emotionally volatile. And yes, sometimes somebody will lose their cool and end up saying things they know they shouldn’t. And yes, it can be hurtful. But if this isn’t their usual behaviour, then maybe it’s time to step back and let things cool down.

Teasing and joking. This can actually be done affectionately. Unfortunately, not every autie will recognise when it’s being done. But as long as it’s not done maliciously, then it’s still not bullying.

So what IS bullying?

We’re all familiar with the physical “schoolyard bully”, but online is a different matter. There are many different ways bullying can be perpetuated via social media, but I’ve focussed here on the ones I’ve personally seen happening.

Harassment. People can be harassed online much as they are in real life, through repeated insults, scorn, putdowns, contempt, or even ‘gaslighting’. Harassers can also slavishly follow someone around from group to group, so that their victim never feels safe.

Slander. Some seem to take delight in spreading malicious rumours and false allegations about others they dislike, in order to damage their reputations. Even if the person being slandered is blocked, they usually hear about the rumours anyway.

“Hate so-and-so” groups. These are an outgrowth of the slander method, where a bunch of people who have decided they dislike someone, start a group designed solely to attack that person, rounding up others to join them in their viciousness. By this time, no matter how little truth there is in the allegations, they’ve taken on a life of their own. Unfortunately, many who don’t know the person concerned just accept what they’re told, and fail to do their own research.

Dumping/blocking. Another method of the haters. They actively campaign to have the hated one discredited in and/or dumped from as many groups as possible, even ones they’re admins of. Often accompanied by blocking, this leaves their victim without any means of responding, or counteracting the vileness being spread about them.

Trolling. A troll is traditionally someone who comes into a group or chat room, etc, and baits the members with inflammatory statements. But by repeatedly doing so, trolls can also bully those groups and their members, to the point where they no longer feel safe there.

Videos. Youtube is a great thing. You can make a video about anything you want. Trouble is, no veracity, no double-checking of your story, is required. The result can be a very spiteful and hurtful smear of others, with little chance for them to set the record straight, or counteract the harmful impressions given.

Intimidation. If none of the other techniques satisfy them, the bully might step up their efforts, including threatening to get their victim ejected from offline organisations, or even of tracking them down in real life (“I can trace your URL”).

There are lots of websites on how to cope and deal with bullies, so I’m not going to discuss that here. What I’m concerned with is two things – firstly, that often if the victim tries to respond in kind, they can end up being seen as the ‘bully’, as the original bully or bullies’ campaigns have been largely in the shadows, or misinterpreted by others.

My second and even bigger concern is how so many of us don’t recognise these people as bullies, or allow them too much latitude, simply because they’re autistic (“They just made a few mistakes, they didn’t really mean it”, etc). We can be extremely naïve in this regard, and tend to take others’ words at face value, not recognising what’s happening, or the awful toll it takes on their victims.

I hate to admit it, but not every aspie/autie is a beautiful person. We have our ‘bad eggs’ like any other group. Make no mistake, these people are extraordinarily manipulative and dangerous creatures. Please, if you notice anything like this happening, do not give the bullies any of your support.

Do You Ever Feel That the World is an Alien Place?

I mean, do you ever feel like the values it operates by, the rules it sets up, are so strange that they must have been thought up by aliens? Government regulations, for instance, that would do credit to Darth Vader. (“You Will Obey…”) Political policies towards other countries that resemble something the Daleks might have created. (“Exterminate – exterminate – exterminate…”) ‘Government-speak’ that serves to mute and dull people’s perceptions of what’s really going on. ‘Collateral damage’, for dead civilians. ‘Budget adjustments’, for slashing the incomes of the most vulnerable and poor. “Putting people in work” programs, that do nothing of the kind, but make a government look good. Refusal to join international efforts to improve the environment, because “it costs too much”. And more, and more.

And all of it lacking any kind of compassion, perception of others’ viewpoints, serious thought about the future consequences, or even simple common sense. It’s all about presenting an image, impressing others, fooling others, getting votes, staying in power, protecting your market share or your profit line, pleasing shareholders or the board or your boss or the voters or the public in general. Pleasing, placating, ‘massaging’ perceptions, thinking of short term profits often at the expense of more worthy long term goals - it’s all crazy, to the eyes of this aspie.

The last time I remember feeling this really strongly was a couple of years ago, when I applied to Work and Income (aka Social Welfare) for assistance to resume my long-neglected degree. I don’t know what it’s like in other countries, but in New Zealand, we have a training allowance that some beneficiaries can get to cover study costs. Most of my tertiary education has been done with the help of this allowance, including all of the papers for that unfinished degree. Well, it looks like it will stay unfinished, short of a miracle or a Lotto win, because, I was informed, the Powers That Be in their dubious wisdom have decided that this allowance can now only be used to do short-term, vocationally orientated courses up to what in NZ is known as ‘Level Three’ qualifications. This effectively cuts out all university papers, as they are Level Four or above.

Well, I didn’t have to think about it too long, before I realized that it meant people could only be trained for low-level, low-paid jobs. When I said as much to the Work and Income person, she admitted that, but said that the policy now was to get people off benefits and into any job, no matter what it was or how well it was paid. (She didn’t say that she agreed with it, mind, and I got the impression that secretly she might not have, though she did say that it was because people in the past had “spent years doing qualifications”. I thought well yeah, duh, you tend to if you’re doing a degree…)

By the time I got back to the car, I was nearly in tears. Being refused what I’d been expecting was bad enough, but I was also reeling from the sheer stupidity of the grounds for it. It didn’t take much thought to realise that those low-level, low-paid jobs The Powers That Be are so keen for us beneficiaries to do, are, firstly, the kind of jobs that are often short-term in nature, either because they’re the first to be cut in hard times, or because people leave out of frustration, boredom, childcare problems, lack of a decent wage or opportunities for further training or promotion, or because the stresses of the job have made them ill. Thus, people will tend to cycle in and then out of these jobs, and back onto a benefit. Whereas if someone can be helped to get higher qualifications, then they can get into better jobs and professions - ones that see them lifted out of the poverty cycle, and hugely less likely to end up back in that W & I office. So for lack of a longer term viewpoint, people are pretty much doomed to stay poor, and probably soon back on the Government’s books. Great thinking, Powers That Be.

And secondly, these jobs are actually getting fewer and fewer – the unskilled/semi-skilled/low wage labour market has been shrinking for decades, in the Western world at least, due to mechanisation, computerisation, and other social and economic forces. In other words, the jobs just aren’t there, and are getting even less there with each decade. The demand for more qualified workers, however, is growing. And those jobs and professions are far more secure and better paid, with good opportunities for further advancement and training. So why aren’t they trying to get as many welfare beneficiaries as possible qualified for these jobs?

Well the answer to that didn’t take much thinking either – because we currently have a right-wing government (although left-wing ones haven’t done that much better in recent decades), who wants to please their voters by being seen to ‘get tough’ on those dreadful ‘bludgers on the taxpayer’. (There have been further changes in government policies since that have confirmed this.) So, in order to please their right-wing, ‘beneficiary–bashing’ voters, they ensure the poor will stay poor, there will continue to be a shortage of skilled and well-qualified workers in New Zealand, and our economy will continue to suffer as a result. Great stuff, eh.

This is just one example of what I mean by ‘short-term’ thinking, crazy, expedient decisions that have long term effects. I sat in my car, biting back tears and rage, with a sick, swirling confusion in my heart. It was then I first consciously thought – what kind of alien world do I live in, that such decisions as these are seen as ‘good’ ones? How do people justify such stupidity, even to themselves? I even briefly wondered if I wanted to stay in such a world. I could give you lots of further examples, but anyone who looks around with a clear eye, will see plenty for themselves. Certainly I see plenty, just about every day, and being a bit of a ‘history buff’, I read about even more in the past. No wonder we aspies feel like we come from another planet, when such values as these rule on this one. Yes, I know there are some good people and organisations out there, who are trying to counter-act all this crap, who do care about the poor and the vulnerable, look to the future, etc etc. But it often seems to me that they are fighting a losing battle.

So do you ever feel that this world is an alien place?

(Oh, and in case some are thinking well there’s the Government student loan scheme, even if I qualified for it – and I doubt I do – it would be foolish in the extreme at my age and level of physical health, to take on a huge debt. If I was 20 or 30 years younger, perhaps; though it must asked, what long-term hardship is it going to cause those beneficiaries who do get those loans, and then have to try to pay them back as well as support kids and/or cope with a disability, and who have started studying later in life than most students anyway? Seems to me they’re behind the eight-ball before they even begin. And I’m not even going to get into the craziness of having a loan scheme in the first place, rather than simply making tertiary education free or near-free, like it used to be.)

On Emotions vs Feelings, and Politics

A few weeks ago, I had the unpleasant experience of getting involved in an online debate on a political issue. I made the mistake of thinking I could bring some light and fresh air into a very heated, dark place. Instead, I became the recipient of a vicious tirade of personal abuse and contempt. Eventually, I left, not because I was overwhelmed by their arguments, but because I did not want to be dragged down to their level.

One piece of their abuse, however, kept bugging me. They said several times I was using ‘emotional’ arguments, which confused me– it seemed to me they were the ones using emotive terms, and I was being my usual rational aspie self. Finally – after I’d left – I realized why. It’s because they confused emotions with feelings.

Huh, you might say? What’s the difference? I used to think them the same too. Then a spiritual teacher whom I greatly respected, pointed out the difference, and after due reflection, I realized she was right. Basically, it runs like this.

Emotions are things of the moment. They’re the rapid response to what’s happening around you, the swift happiness, anger, sadness, surprise, etc. They’re heady, and often overwhelming, but they’re ephemeral. That doesn’t mean they have no validity – there’s nothing wrong, for instance, with being annoyed if your spouse forgets your birthday – but they are not good grounds for making life-changing decisions.

Feelings, however, are quieter, but more long-lasting. They are the result, usually, of years or even decades of thinking, reflecting, and processing the Big Issues of life.  They take form through the rational processes of our minds, but come from deep in our hearts, or our souls. They form an undercurrent that often gives rise to emotions, but are not the emotions themselves. At times, these deeper feelings rise up and cause us to make profound changes to our lives – ending a relationship, changing careers, moving to another country, taking a new spiritual path. It’s best to heed what these feelings are trying to tell you, because you’ll only suffer if you don’t.

When I entered the above political argument, I was coming from both my mind and my deepest feelings. I argued for compassion, for understanding of difficult situations people might find themselves in, for accepting that life is not perfect, and nor are people and situations. Because this is the approach I take to life, the result of years of observation and reflection on life and the human race. Moreover, I consider this a perfectly valid ground to argue from. It combines both intellect and heart, and thus the very best of both ‘left’ and ‘right’ brain activity. It’s integrated. It’s individualistic. And as an aspie, I am very much into being an individual, and using my brain and my heart to work through matters.

So I left the argument, because my ‘opponents’ were using the emotive arguments of hatred, narrow-minded intolerance and bigotry. Theirs is the sort of fanaticism that can give rise to violence in the service of their ‘cause’, which scares the hell out of me, and none of which I want any part of. That is not my nature, and not my path in this world. And I find it sad that so many do follow such a path. I believe it’s one big reason, possibly the reason, why the world is in such a mess today. I’d be interested to know how others feel about this.