I’ve been
reading some interesting books lately, on introverted people. Introverts have
long had a ‘bad press’, it seems this goes back to when Freud (himself an
extrovert) had an argument with Jung and Adler, two other (introvert)
psychiatrists, and from then on depicted introversion as a negative, unhealthy
trait, associated with narcissism and/or rejection of the world. Introversion
has been seen in pathological terms ever since, especially in Western culture.
The outgoing, gregarious, extrovert type is still often seen as the type to
aspire to, and parents sometimes pressure their children to fit this model.
That extroverts outnumber introverts about three to one doesn’t help either.
But
introversion is far better understood than it once was. It’s now known to be
not a matter of neurosis, but an inborn temperament, decided by the response to
stimuli taking different pathways in the brain. These paths are now being
mapped, and the strengths and benefits of introversion are becoming better
accepted.
Whether
you’re introvert or extrovert isn’t about whether you like other people or not,
or how socially skilled you are. Introverts are sensitive to over-stimulation,
feel drained by crowds and lots of noise, and need to be somewhere quiet and
alone in order to recharge their ‘batteries’. They’ll also go inwards to sort
out any problems or stresses they have, and have a rich inner life, though it
often won’t show on the surface. They think long and deeply about all manner of
things, though this may not be obvious, and they’re often seen as shy or
unfriendly, or even unintelligent. Introverts don’t typically dislike people,
but they may restrict who with and how they mix, and are usually content with
having just one or two good friends.
Extroverts,
on the other hand, are energised by social contact and lots of external
stimulation. They like to meet and get to know lots of people, and often have a
wide circle of friends. They need sensation and external input to recharge,
“like solar panels”1 as one author puts it,
and can feel lonely and under-stimulated without it. When they have a problem,
they typically prefer to talk it over with someone else, and like to ‘know a
little about a lot’, their strength being breadth rather than depth.
It’s said
that you can tell the extrovert from the introvert not by how they behave at a
party - introverts can get quite skilled at presenting a good front - but by
what they say when they leave. An introvert will say “Whew! Time to go home and
rest.” An extrovert will say “That was fun! What shall we do next?”
I have
known for some time that I am a thorough introvert. On the Briggs-Meyer
personality test, for example, I’m an INFJ. Plus I fit the classic description
of introverts as described in these books. I’ve experienced a lot of flak for
this – I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been underestimated,
misunderstood and misjudged. I’ve often been scolded for being ‘anti-social’,
‘shy’, ‘snobbish’, or accused of ‘sulking’ when I withdrew. Or it would be
suggested that the answer to my problems (any problem!) was that I ‘should talk
to people more’ or ‘stop hiding away’. My need for solitude has been seen as
pathological, an unhealthy thing. As a result, I’ve sometimes forced myself to
socialise till I’m about ready to drop from exhaustion, and seen myself
as ‘lesser than’, because I couldn’t be like other people.
So does
being autistic automatically mean being an introvert? It’s true, we often have
a need to withdraw from the world, at least temporarily, due to sensory overload
or social challenges, and many of us would probably identify as introverted, on
the basis of the descriptions I’ve read. And the extrovert description fits
many NTs like a glove – the love of talk and chatter, the throwing themselves
into partying, the tendency to ‘sample’ conversations, topics and knowledge
like a smorgasbord, or the ability to cope with far more stimulation than any
autie could ever handle.
But the
introvert/extrovert axis cuts through gender, race, age, nationality and just
about every other category you can think of, and could possibly cut through the
neurotype boundary too. So theoretically, there could be some, perhaps many,
extroverted autistics2. (Plus of
course there are definitely many NTs who are introverts, or these books would
never have been written!)
So what
might an extrovert autistic look like?
I’m
thinking here of the autie who tends to charge into groups, loves to be around
people and get to know them, and who, especially when young, can sometimes come
across rather like a super-friendly, bouncy puppy, all eagerness but no
finesse! Autistic extroverts may get their social ‘refueling’ from being with
people they trust and have something in common with, rather than simply ‘the
world at large’ – this could be their family, other auties, their church or
other religious group, a group who shares their special interest, or something
similar.
It’s
possible at least some of these extrovert auties, if knocked back too many
times, might end up rather bitter and disappointed and negative about the world
(as do many of us), and retreat from it. But their basic personality trait
would be unchanged, and so they might suffer from ‘energy withdrawal’, if they
can’t find a congenial group of people to be around. So these auties might
conceivably be in a worse state than more introverted ones, who are able to
recharge through being alone.
It’s worth
remembering too, that few people are extremely one or the other, so you might
have some introvert traits, and some extrovert ones. One of the books even
postulates a category called ‘centroverts’ or ‘ambiverts’, who fall pretty much
in the middle. These people are able to understand both introverts and
extroverts better than each type will understand the other, and can provide
some much-needed balance and even mediation between them.
The big
thing is to understand that one type isn’t better or worse than the other, and
that the world needs all sorts. Whether NT, autistic, or a halfway ‘cousin’, an
introvert, extrovert or centrovert – we all have something to contribute to the
world, and the right to be whatever we are, and have that true self be
accepted.
1 pg 20,
Laney, Marti Olsen; The Introvert Advantage, Workman Publishing, New
York, 2002.
2 One word of caution if you decide to
read more on this subject – the writings are not really autism-friendly. One
book for instance, on introversion in children, discusses how some confuse
introversion with symptoms of autism. The author warns against “pathologising”
introvert children - the unspoken subtext being “…but it’s okay to pathologise
autistic kids, because they’re really weird.” She also reiterates the
misunderstanding that autistics “aren’t interested in other people”. So get
what you can out of it, and realise that not all of it will apply to you,
whether introvert or extrovert.
